On Emulating the Most Brilliant Writers.

. . Last week, I sat a literacy exam. I am sure I did very poorly and am pretty concerned that this one bad test result will send my WAM plummeting. However, in my own defense – I warn you, it is not a very good defense but it is interesting – I was distracted from study by the course content. You see, in a series of lectures we were instructed on how to teach writing and were introduced to the empirical evidence for such methods. While revising, one aspect of a particular lecture caught and consumed my attention. It was this: apparently, if you would like to know how to write successfully it may be best to, or not to, ask accomplished writers. Here is why…

. . Robert Frost chose never to use a table, and to sometimes write on the sole of his shoe, which was ok because he prefered to take the road less travelled, so I am sure his soles were clean. Rudyard Kipling wrote with only the blackest ink. Norman Mailer, somewhat picturesquely, likes to write in a long room with a view while Émile Zola preferred to avoid daylight and insisted upon closing the blinds at midday. Samuel Johnson liked to drink a lot of tea and have a purring cat and a strong odour of orange peel nearby. Apparently, Johnson is not the only writer to be inspired by the fragrance of fruit, for Johann Christoph Schiller liked to keep rotten apples in his desk while his feet were soaking in ice-cold water! Percy Bysshe Shelley and Jean-Jacques Rousseau wrote as they sat bareheaded in the sunshine while John Milton and René Descartes would lie stretched out. Finally, James Joyce asserted it was easy for him to write anywhere, as long as he was not too drunk every night.

. . I think the example of some of these writers is worth following. I can understand Kipling writing only with the blackest ink. Black ink is very nice. My Nan and I once had an argument about this: she asserted blue was the only acceptable ink for writing as black was too dark, I liked the darkness of black ink unless I was being artistic, then brown was preferable, or white on black paper, but red for whiteboards. Sunshine on one’s head would also be very nice, only I’d have to shave my head if I were to truly heed this advice. The odour of orange peel is very invigorating - I do like the smell of it infused with coffee - so I may follow the writing habits of Johnson. I, like him, also consume a lot of tea when writing, actually I don’t have to be writing to drink a lot of tea! Purring cats are also very nice, but too tempting to touch so they may prove a distraction for me. Lying stretched out works for a while but I couldn’t write an epic that way, or a treatise unless I began "I lie flat therefore I write…" As for drinking, if I were happy for my writing to be as inaccessible as Joyce’s I’m sure drinking would help. Rotten apples and ice-cold water are definitely out! And darkness is kinda scary. I could definitely write in a long room with a view, and the lack of a table does not bother me but the shoe thing…?

You can see how I was distracted…

. . I started wondering if a writer’s style is influenced by his/her writing methods. I started wondering about my own writing practices. I wondered if I should develop some quirks to improve my writing. I wondered how on earth I was going to teach writing to students: should I get them to try writing with the scent of orange peel? Should I take purring cats to school for inspiration? Should I suggest an excursion to a long room with a view?

. . I would be very interested to know if anyone out there has any particular writing quirks they believe contribute to good writing? I think I have realized that I always need to be wearing lip-gloss. As you can tell by my writing, I am not at the moment. I apologise.