Monday, March 5

It's official.
I've moved house.

Come and visit me at my new blog @ WordPress - where the grass is greener.
Don't worry, I'm still regainingparadise.

Sunday, March 4

I think I'm going to move over here .


Saturday, March 3

Wednesday, February 28

For the word lovers amongst us...
alternate title: this is just too funny!

Once again, The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly neologism contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words. The winners are:

Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.
Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
Negligent (adj.) describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.
Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
Gargoyle (n.), olive-flavoured mouthwash.
Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian proctologist.

The Washington Post's Style Invitational also asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are this year's winners:

Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
Giraffiti (n):Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
Hipatitis (n): Terminal coolness.
Karmageddon (n): its like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
Decafalon (n.): The gruelling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
Dopeler effect (n): The tendency of stupid ideas to seemsmarter when they come at you rapidly.
Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
Caterpallor (n.): The colour you turn after m,finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating.

Do you have any of your own neologisms?

Sunday, February 25

Anybody know of some good books on Christian Ethics suitable for students aged 16-18 years old? I need to furnish our school library.
I found Jesus in Kmart!
I can't quite decide if this is blasphemous or not, but there is something a little wrong about paying $25 for Jesus. Yet, look at him, he is just so irresistible.

My search for Jesus started a few weeks ago when a friend's sister decided she wanted one of these Jesus dolls. We looked everywhere for one but to no avail. Then, just when I had given up hope of finding a Jesus doll, one seemed to find me for just as I turned the corner there was Jesus sitting on a shelf in Kmart.

The lady who sold me this doll at Kmart said that she had not sold many Jesus dolls. He is not that popular. I think the problem is that people - like my friends and I - are also looking in the wrong places. Sounds a bit like life really.

So I bought this Jesus doll and have passed it onto my friend's sister who is very happy to have finally found Jesus, and I am happy to have led her to him, but now I wonder what she will do with him.

We had a lot of fun with Jesus in the staff room at school. One of my collegues saw me holding Jesus and said, "Could you just hold him up over your head for a minute, I want to see Jesus lifted high." Of course, I obliged. Then when my friend placed Jesus under her desk we all exclaimed, "Hide him under a bushel? No!"

I'm sure if non-christians were treating a Jesus doll this way I wouldn't find it very amusing, yet here we were, in a christian school, making jokes about Jesus. Like one of my friends said: "It's like 'ha, ha!' and 'Oh, no!' all at once."

So my question is: What would you do with a Jesus doll?
Is anyone else thinking 'graven image,' or is this harmless?
I'm just not sure.

Saturday, February 17

Cricket 101: What is cricket?
For Beck and Kim who asked and for all my Canadian and American friends who didn't - you know who you are.

"You have two sides, one out in the field and one in. Each man that's in the side that's in goes out, and when he's out he comes in and the next man goes in until he's out. When they are all out, the side that's out comes in and the side thats been in goes out and tries to get those coming in, out. Sometimes you get men still in and not out.
When a man goes out to go in, the men who are out try to get him out, and when he is out he goes in and the next man in goes out and goes in. There are two men called umpires who stay all out all the time and they decide when the men who are in are out. When both sides have been in and all the men have out, and both sides have been out twice after all the men have been in, including those who are not out, that is the end of the game!"

If that was unhelpful, perhaps this video, which is certainly not as fun, will make it clearer:

From aussiefox @ YouTube.

So there you go, that's cricket.

Friday, February 16

For Island Sparrow, who asked me what a Tim Tam is:

"Tim Tam is Australia’s favourite chocolate biscuit. Around 35 million packs are sold each year - that's nearly 400 million biscuits. There are 8 delicious varieties of Tim Tam biscuits:

Tim Tam Original, Tim Tam Chewy Caramel, Tim Tam Double Coat, Tim Tam Dark, Tim Tam Love Potions Double Chocolate and Raspberry, Tim Tam Love Potions Chocolate Mud, Tim Tam Love Potions Sticky Vanilla Toffee, Tim Tam Latte.

And of course, Tim Tam Balls, which were launched in September 2005!

Tim Tam biscuits first hit supermarket shelves in 1964. They were named after a horse that won the Kentucky Derby in 1958. A member of the Arnott family, Ross Arnott, attended the race day and decided ‘Tim Tam’ was the perfect name for his new biscuit. The chocolate used to make Tim Tam biscuits has been specially developed by Arnott’s to give a slightly caramel taste. The cream flavour is a delicate mixture of vanilla, butter and chocolate that complements the biscuit base and the chocolate. It’s this unique cream which sets Tim Tam apart from any other chocolate biscuit.

You can buy Tim Tam in a variety of pack sizes including Tim Tam Fingers, Tim Tam Indulgence pack, Tim Tam Multipack and Tim Tam Balls."

From the Arnotts website.

This is a Tim Tam:

This is how you eat a Tim Tam:

You bite off each end, then suck your coffee through it very quickly while the Tim Tam melts between your lips and becomes a delicious gooey warm blob of chocolate that threatens to become a globby mess at the bottom of your warm beverage if you fail to throw your head back and down the melting Tim Tam in a timely fashion. It is not called the Tim Tam Slam for nothing. Look at the competitive stare on the face of our slammer above. This is a serious Australian past-time.

SO there you go, K, all you ever wanted to know about the divine Tim Tam. I'm glad you asked.
Taking Comfort in a Metaphor

Today's mighty oak is yesterday's nut that stood its ground.

By way of explanation, I've had a run-in with my son's cricket coach. He made the boys - who are only 8 years old! - do pushups - without showing them how - as a punishment for dropping catches in training. I complained. These boys are CHILDREN! They are meant to be having fun and learning skills not being humiliated for making mistakes.

Anyway, I had an opportunity to speak to the coach as he asked me if I was happy with the way the team was going. I said "Yes, I was happy with training last week, except for the pushups." We differed, very politely. He stated his case: aversion to punishment makes children work harder - I am being nice, he didn't say it that eloquently - and I stated mine: but humiliation doesn't. He disagreed and was too intoxicated to reason coherently at which point he decided to flirt with me and touch my hair instead!
Argh! I am infuriated and thus am venting here while taking comfort in a metaphor. Oh, and the metaphor applies to ME not him as he is not a nut he is only a DRUNKEN PHILANDERER who thinks I am a nut to be cracked - interpret that metaphor as you wish!
Did I say Grrrrr!? 'cause I should have!

Sunday, February 11

The Poms Rain.
SCG, February 11, 2007
England kicked our soggy butts!

As much as we hate it, congratulations.

Thursday, February 8

NO time to blog, life is crazy busy but just by way of an update I thought I'd tell you - ever so briefly, 'cause it's past my bedtime - what I've been up to:

Teaching kids - they're great! so well behaved - so far! - and most of them are interested in the content I am teaching. Amazing!

Nearly got struck by a bolt of fluro pink lightning! Scary and deafening! My ears still hurt.

Caused near traffic disaster when my blinkers and all electricals suddenly failed just before my car died. I blamed the disaster on my close call with the bolt of fluro pink lightning, mentioned above - How was I supposed to know batteries need water!? I thought the mechanics were meant to do that kind of thing when they serviced my car. It seems I pay them too much.

Ate 1/2 a Raspberry Tim Tam - Oh, how life improves with TimTams!

Signed off Blogger and curled up to sleep. Well, that's yet to be acomplished.

Miss you all.

What have you been up to?

Sunday, February 4

Tipped, I'm It!
Its fashionable, tight enclosure of sense and sensibility became an emblem for the times.
from The Description of Cooke-ham
Now let me come unto that stately tree,
Wherein such goodly prospects you did see;
That oak that did in height his fellows pass,
As much as lofty trees, low growing grass,
Much like a comely cedar straight and tall,
Whose beauteous stature far exceeded all.
How often did you visit this fair tree,
Which seeming joyful in receiving thee,
Would like a palm tree spread his arms abroad,
Desirous that you there should make abode;
Whose fair green leaves much like a comely veil,
Defended Phoebus when he would assail,
Whose pleasing boughs did yeild a cool fresh air
Joying his happiness when you were there.

The Making of a Poem: A Norton Anthology of Poetic Forms, Mark Strand and Eavan Boland on The Heroic Couplet: The History of the Form.

Kim @ The Upward Call has invited here readers to take part in a random book meme. I chose to take part.


1. Grab the book closest to you.

2. Open to page 123; go down to the fourth sentence.

3. Post the text of the following three sentences.

4. Name the author and book title.

5. Tag three people to do the same.

Now that you know the rules, I guess all that's left to say is:
Tip! You're it!
Play along if you like. I'm not limiting it to three. If you want to play, please do. Let me know in the comments.