Start spreading the newsI'm leaving today
I want to be a part of it, New York, New York ...
I have been told to get my passport ready! My doctor wants me to go to New York.
Before you freak out I better say, I'm in perfect health, I'm not going for medical reasons. You see my doctor has decided that he would like me to marry his son. He wants me to marry a "nice man" and apparentkly his son is this man. I have never met his son. In fact, I don't know much about his son at all. I know his name, his occupation, I know he likes to run, I know where he has been educated, and I know his father and mother. Besides this, I don't know much at all.
Of course the suggestion was made in jest with nothing but good intentions and care but the whole suggestion has got me thinking about the nature of marriage. I know people who have married due to the arrangement of their families. These marriages seem to work well.
When I compare the idea of an arranged marriage to my own experience of marriage -- a marriage of choice based on common beliefs (I thought), goals (I thought), and love -- and see the outcome of both I wonder if we in the west place undue emphasis on love. It surprises me to write this because I am one of the most sentimental romantics there is so I value love as essential to a good relationship. But it can't be all there is. Marriage is commitment too. A covenant if you like.
To some extent arranged marriages happen in the west if you consider parents setting up their sons or daughters with people whom they think would make suitable partners as being a kind of arrangement. A couple of my friends were introduced to each other by their parents and are now happily married and very much in love.
So I am wondering what you consider essential to a good marriage. Do you know people who have experienced an arranged marriage? How did that work out for them? Do you think we, in the west, place too much emphasis on love and not enough on commitment? I'd love to hear any thoughts...
For now, I won't be rushing out to get a visa and fly to New York, but I think I will listen to the song.
posted by missmellifluous at 8:47 am
5 Comments:
Your post reminded me of a message (or a series actually) by Ravi Zacharias, called "I Isaac Take You Rebekah." He's actually made a book of it now, I think. You can hear about 13 minutes of the beginning of it from a link on this page.
Thank you for the link, Violet. I really like Ravi Zacharias and I enjoyed listening to this exerpt. Thank you.
Ravi suggests taking the advice of parents and trusted friends when contemplating marriage - does that mean I should apply for a visa?
I'd like to hear more of what Ravi has to say, especially regarding love and commitment. I think I'll search for more links...
I don't know if I'm in favour of "arranged" marriages, but I'm 100% in favour of lots of parental involvement in the choice of a spouse. Sometimes, parents see things their kids don't see. Sometimes, we think we want to marry the man (or woman) of our dreams rather than the man or woman God thinks we need.
My husband was NOT the man of my teenage, girlhood dreams. That man would have bowed to my every wish and whim, and would not have been what I NEEDED. My husband is who is my second half. I think love and common beliefs are only a starting point. We have to marry people who have the things which we lack.
I actually went to the wedding of an arranged marriage where a friend of mine was the groom. The marriage was a disaster, although he is happily married to someone else now.
That being said, this was a marriage that involved two families that were thousands of kilometres apart. So despite their best efforts, there were some big surprises. I bet they work better when the families can know each other better.
Different upbringings pose heaps of challenges you can't foresee. It's amazing how much you just assume that people have grown up similarly to yourself.
There is so much of the unknown in an arranged marriage. I don't think I could do it.
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